Zombies and The Chainsaw Of Justice

It was cold last night, as I sat motionless in the shadows, covered in camouflage, waiting for mischievous teenagers to t.p. my house on Mischief Night. At about 11p.m., I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Something big and hairy, about 8 ft tall, was coming at me and it was angry. To my surprise, it was Bigfoot who wanted my blood! With no time to think, I sprung into action…We collided with a deafening crash, momentarily stunning each other. I could see in his eyes the shock of having been hit by a 230lb mountain of muscle; out there maybe he was King of the Forest, but this is my yard, monkey-man, and Manimal don’t play that! I hit him with a “two piece and a biscuit”, which is my patented double back-hand slap and roundhouse kick to the chest, which sent him flying against a tree. I should have finished him off, but I hesitated now that I am “green” and eco-friendly (what if he is the last of his kind? Damn this heart of mine!)..Suddenly, he picked up a branch and was going to do his best Sammy Sosa impression with my head, when a shot rang out and he collapsed..I saw it was my girl, Sarah Palin, watching my back from a helicopter.. I wasn’t out of the trouble yet, as hundreds of brain eating zombies were making their way up the street. I could tell this was going to be a long night..

I walked back into my house to tell my roommate, Predator, that we were under attack, but that intergalactic lightweight was passed out after drinking a couple strawberry Mad Dog 20/20’s. I needed some more back-up, because I was sure Palin didn’t have enough bullets in her rifle to hold off the legions of un-dead that were now at my door. I grabbed my sweet phone, and called up my killer team, Ronald “War Paint” McDonald, He-Man and “Snuff ‘Em Out” Snuffleupagus. With in moments they were flying up to my house; He-man was riding Battle Cat and Ronald McDonald was on Snuffalufagus’ back, throwing improvised explosive happy meals into the sea of Zombies. Grabbing my Chainsaw Of Justice, I busted through my door and started making Zombie Sloppy Joe’s…The melee must have lasted a good twenty minutes, but when the dust settled, me and my boys were the only ones left standing. Predator stumbled out on the porch, lit a cigarette and asked what was going on..”Nothing man, funs over; you missed it…”

How does this relate to marketing, you ask? It has everything to do with marketing! This holiday season is going to be scary, and you need to attack the market like your life and business depended on it! Many competitors (zombies) and even larger competitors (Bigfoot) are going to try to take your share of the profits up for grabs. You need to have and know your niche (Sniper Palin) and have proven leaders to make sure your business wins this Christmas–you need a killer marketing team! Starting with PPC (Chainsaw of Justice), SEO (Ronald “War Paint” McDonald), affiliate marketing (He-Man) and email marketing (”Snuff ‘Em Out” Snuffleupagus). Having all these components working for your business ensures your business will left standing when the dust settles because if you don’t have them, Zombies will eat your business; and Manimal don’t play that….